An open relationship is a complicated arrangement, and there are many factors to consider. Ultimately, it depends on the motivations and goals of both partners.
It’s important to establish rules that are agreed upon by both parties, such as safe sex practices and communication expectations. This can help reduce jealousy and insecurity in the primary partnership.
- Know Yourself
Having excellent communication is key in any relationship, and this is even more important when it comes to open relationships. It is important for partners to discuss their goals and boundaries as well as feelings like jealousy and insecurity.
It is also important to make sure that the partners are on the same page about their sexual and non-sexual activities. For example, if one partner is okay with penetrative sex while the other is not, it is important to be honest about this and avoid confusion.
Some couples may find it helpful to agree on specific rules about outside partners such as avoiding introductions or only dating people who are also in an open relationship. This helps prevent jealousy and insecurity from arising and makes the relationship more clear for everyone involved.
- Know Your Partner
Many couples believe they know their partners well, but this often isn’t true. For example, they may have a superficial understanding of where their partner grew up or what sort of career path they hope to pursue.
Having a clear understanding of each other’s goals, needs and desires is critical to a successful open relationship. This includes knowing how comfortable your partner is with having sex outside of the primary relationship, whether or not they have a veto power and if they’re okay with penetrative sex.
Also, keeping an open line of communication is important to address any jealousy that might arise and reassess any negotiated boundaries. It’s also essential to discuss the use of protection and regular STI testing. This will help ensure physical intimacy is healthy and reduce the risk of transmission.
- Know Your Goals
One big reason many people seek out open relationships is to explore their sexuality. So, before you agree to this type of coupling, make sure your goal is clear and that your partner understands that.
Establishing emotional boundaries is also crucial, says Lundquist. For instance, you may feel it’s okay for your partner to hook up with their friends but not their boss or a coworker they know from work. Establishing this before the relationship starts can save you from a lot of hurt feelings down the road.
It’s also important to maintain transparency about your secondary partners. Adding and dropping partners without checking in with each other can cause jealousy and resentment, which is counterproductive to your primary relationship. That’s why check-ins should be negotiated and reassessed regularly.
- Know Your Limitations
In an open relationship, there are no easy answers when it comes to time rules. It’s important to discuss and agree on the boundaries that work best for you and your partner(s).
Emotional and social boundaries are just as important as physical ones. You will want to talk about things like whether it’s okay for your partner to meet someone new online or during a social activity that you attend together.
It’s also important to address insecurities and feelings of jealousy that may arise. If these feelings aren’t addressed, they can quickly lead to distrust and dissolution. Addressing insecurities through personal growth and therapy can help mitigate these emotions and create a more stable environment. Open relationships are not for everyone, and you should only engage in one if it feels right to both you and your primary.
- Know Your Rights
As in any relationship, it’s important to negotiate a set of rules that both parties can agree on. These can include anything from time rules to who gets approved as external partners, and they should be explicitly negotiated.
It’s also crucial to discuss emotional and social boundaries. For example, is it okay for your partner to hang out with friends they met through dating apps? And should they disclose that they’re in an open relationship to their friends and family?
It’s important to be clear about why your partner wants an open relationship. It may be that they’ve been burned by monogamy, or perhaps their sexual needs aren’t being met at home. It’s a complicated question that requires careful consideration and honest conversation. For more information, consider seeing a relationship therapist.Simple rules for a successful open relationship